The platelet’s story

In this video I speak about how I started having blood platelet problems that created bruises and spots all over my body.

Platelets are little cells that stop bleeding, whether its internal or external. These little cells often get destroyed by my body because of an autoimmune response to whatever awakens my immune system (virus, infection, inflammation, treatments, etc).

The thing that I did not mention in the video and thought that maybe it would be better to simply write about it is that I also had very intense and brutal nose bleeds. This was usually THE symptom that freaked us out the most and was the major alarm to this sickness… I would wake up at night with a very stuffy nose and tissues full of blood. I would bleed … a lot. It was sometimes hard to make it stop, because of the lack of platelets, and I have to say, these experiences left a trauma. Bleeding also happened in my mouth, as little blood blisters would form inside and my gum would also bleed more when brushing my teeth…

Even today, as an adult, as soon as there is a very small nose bleed or the slightest little bruise or blister, even if totally insignificant, it would wake up major feelings of panic and anxiety as this problem could still to this day manifest for some reason... These trauma responses flush the energy right out of me, and it is terribly hard to calm myself down and get my reasoning back on track again after these kinds of little symptoms.

As you can imagine, this kind of situation pushes you to have to decide to entrust your life in God’s hands even more … and thankfully, things are calm as I am writing this. But it wasn’t easy nor for me or my family, and still remains a school for all of us, as I do have to keep an eye open since this sickness could suddenly manifest for some reason.

The emotions and the image struggles

Obviously, as the preteen and teen years arrived, the notion of self-image and what a handicap signified to the world around me started to play a role in my emotional development.

At the age of 8 or 9, I was so exhausted and had no hope for my future because of the vicious sickness. I didn’t want to continue living if it meant me continuing to battle sickness like I did all those years and always feel sick the way I did back then. I knew that “I” was the one making it hard for everybody and I honestly believed that my family would be happier without me and all these health problems. This is where depression hit for the first time.

As a teen, I was a very angry and spoiled princess that struggled with wanting to fit in and be accepted. I tried to hide the “ugly, sick and visible” parts of my body as good as I could except for the small size. That is impossible to hide. I wanted God to heal me and I was angry that He didn’t. I “knew” that THAT was the solution to everything … but, how little I knew! My emotions were very violent and I evacuated them through listening to music that would fit my emotions. I also evacuated them in imagining scenarios that I wanted to happen to me, and it was mostly dreams of physical healing, acceptance and terribly self-centered scenarios…

As a young adult in my 20ies, even if I grew up in a Christian home, I experienced God’s indescribable love and grace for myself and have honestly never been the same since. At that moment, it was like my whole past and struggles and mistakes have suddenly been covered by love, forgiveness and new hope. Every hurt and pain suddenly weren’t for nothing. God showed me that He could use all of my story to help others, understand them better and give them hope in a real way. I never thought this could actually be God’s plan for my life, and That’s what He was preparing all along, through everything I went through and still go through today. It was in that revelation where my healing journey started and is still unfolding in my life today.

After this revelation, I started being invited to go speak and be a witness to God’s amazing plan for our lives and I was able to bless, and hug, and pray with, and cry with and laugh with more people than I can count, and that is what God had planned all along…

He may not send pain, He may not always remove it as fast as we would want either, but if we let Him, God will always redeem it and turn it into something that is very good. We just have to trust Him through the process and let Him write our story…

The end of the story?

No way! The story does not end here! I will walk through many things that I went through in the next videos. You may discover them in the order that you want. The goal is always the same: expose the truth in God’s light and let Him heal what needs to be healed.

I hope you will enjoy the ride and continue to bear with me, Sunday after Sunday… ;0)

Love you all,

Mel